Warning: Do Not Share Your Peanuts

"What is your biggest struggle?"

I've often been asked that question. The cultural differences? No. The heat or dirty surroundings? No. The language? No. The MEN.

Situation #1

Lesson of the day: do not share your peanuts. You will be destined to marriage. I had just finished work at the talibe center and was walking down the streets looking for a taxi. I flagged one down, gave him the directions, and we agreed on a price. I climbed into the backseat and slammed the door shut a couple times because it never stays closed, and settled myself in, ready for the 20 minute drive. I had not had time to eat breakfast or lunch yet so I was really excited when I remembered the snack in my purse. The ride back home began in silence and I could have simply sat back, staring out the window at the moving traffic, munching on my peanuts and relaxing after my long day. But no, I chose to share my peanuts and talk. I don't know why. I'm sure God had His reasons, but at this moment I don't know why! I leaned forward and asked my taxi driver if he would like some. He responded saying thank you and I poured a few peanuts into his open hand. Only seconds later, he was adjusting his rear view mirror so he could see me and kept turning around to look at me and smile. Then the conversation started, "You understand Wolof?" I nodded and said, "Yes, only a little." The questions continued....

Taxi-man: Who taught you Wolof?
Me: My Senegalese friends
Taxi-man: Was it a girl or a boy?
Me: A girl
Taxi-man: Do you have any friends that are men?
(I tried to ignore this question, already seeing where this was leading. That didn't work and he pestered me further)
Taxi-man: Do you have a husband?
Me: No, I do not
Taxi-man: You don't have husband?! Do you want a Senegalese husband?
(Thinking: You're going to ask me to be your wife when you have not even asked my name?)
Me: I am waiting because my Father has chosen one for me

That last reply is my golden ticket out of every "Do you have a husband?" situation. They are able to understand it, and tend to respect it, relating it to an arranged marriage. For my new friend, this was not enough to back down from his pursued goal. He spent the rest of the ride repeatedly asking if I had a fiance, with me repeatedly explaining. He asked for my phone number. Then asked when I was planning to invite him to my home and cook for him. Maybe he would understand silence, I thought. Wrong. He just kept talking. When we finally pulled up to my apartment, I had never been so happy to get out of a car.

Situation #2

In the same week, I was walking home and passed by several fruit, vegetable, and meat stands. These are typically run by the same people every day, and each time I pass they shout out a greeting to the white girl. I quickly reply and keep walking since it is not custom for a single woman to stop and chat with a man. A few months back, I learned that people speaking English, since it is extremely rare here, usually want something. I walked past the men, ready to give my normal reply and continue on my way. Until my ears perked up when I heard someone say, "How are you?" in English. I did not reply and kept walking. Apparently, this guy knew the answer for me because the next words out of his mouth were, "Fine huh. I love you." I desperately wanted to turn around and yell that he did not love me and to leave me alone. Instead, I took a deep breath, found the patience, and kept walking.

Cases like these happen all the time. Partially because they see me and think being white = money and trip to America. In general, there is little value on women. I don't know how Senegalese women here endure it. In the eyes of men, they are good for cooking, cleaning, and raising children. Nothing else. And they work dawn to dusk doing those very things. It's a tough life and it makes me pray all the more for them.    

A new normal

When you live in Africa, there are certain things that become a part of your everyday life or your "new normal". I forget the strangeness of the things I do or see until I am talking with a friend back in the States. I can be in the middle of telling a story when they bust out laughing and I don't understand why. A typical phone conversation is spent with these thoughts running through my head, "Why are you laughing at the sound of a goat outside my window? Of course there are days of the week and months in Africa! Did you really just ask me if the dirt here is sparklier?" Then I am reminded of the fact that I live in a foreign country. This place, along with its customs and culture, have been adopted as my own. But it is still foreign to everyone else.

Here's a look into my life. You know you live in Africa when....

• You check your glass and pull out any unwanted bugs before taking a drink
• You and your roommate have a time of singing and dancing when the power comes back on
• A car speeds an inch past you and you don't even blink
• A day is not complete without at least one marriage proposal
• You drive beside the road, instead of on it, to avoid the potholes
• You frown when you see a skirt tied the wrong way and wonder what village they came from
• You acquire a selective hearing and learn to ignore the sounds of men and vendors hissing at you as you walk by
• You see another toubaab (white person) and automatically stare at them like an animal in a zoo wondering where they came from and what their purpose is here
• You set the milk on top of the fridge instead of in it. And no, it will not spoil
• You are surprised when lunch is served at 2:00. It's early today! 
• You answer yes or no by clicking with your tongue once or twice 
• Laundry is an all day event. Washing, hanging to dry, then ironing every piece to kill potential mango worms (had that experience and it's not fun)
• The best place to sleep at night is on a foam mat on the rooftop beneath the stars
• Never eat with your left hand
• Never ask a newborn baby's name, until the naming ceremony has been completed a week later
• Food is the usual topic of conversation. When Americans gather together you can ooo and ahh in amazement for hours over something other than the usual rice and fish. We've been told by visitors that we're boring....
• Get ready to bust out dancing in church!
• You begin to lose your sense of time and have trouble keeping track of the days of the week
• If at first someone does not understand, go through a list of about 5 other languages to see which one they speak
• While riding in a taxi, you pray that you will make it to your next destination. The duck tape on the windows, the door flying open, and the broken gas gauge are questionable. 
• You've got the bargaining skills down!
• You must accept the fact that you will be late every where you go because of traffic or some kind of cattle blocking the road
• You must always be prepared for a transportation strike or food shortage of some kind
• Food always taste better when you've walked a long distance to buy it 
• Sermons always sound better when sitting on a wooden bench squished next to others

I Spent Christmas Down in Africa

 Joyeux Noel! I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and blessed New Year! This was my first year being away from home during the holidays, so it was different in every way. I missed my family, but I was reminded of this verse:

"I the LORD do not change." -Malachi 3:6

No matter how many things around me had changed.....God did not. He remained the same. The true reason for celebrating will exist no matter where you are. The gift of His son is for each of us, black or white, rich or poor, man or woman, and there's no right or wrong way to celebrate that. Sadly, very few here even know what the meaning of Christmas is. Senegalese like to take every holiday known to man....no joke. You get used to stores and businesses being closed often. So did they pass up this Christian holiday? No way! It was another reason to take off work. I found it interesting to walk out of a store with my groceries and someone tell me, "Am bon fet" (have a good celebration). Occasionally, someone knew it was called Noel while others called it the party of the 25th. This opened up many opportunities to share the story.

Here's how my Christmas day went: I woke up early that morning and made pancakes while listening to Christmas music. I was very thankful for a family whom I have known for several years that adopted me for the day. After church, I returned to their house where I was given a tasty home cooked meal, a movie night, and lots of laughs. It was lovely! An added highlight to the day was getting to skype with my family and do a video call. It was the first time I had seen my mom's face since I've moved here. Gotta love technology.
This Christmas may not have been filled with brightly lit streets, decorations, ice skating, Christmas trees, and bustling malls (some of which I missed, but some of which was nice to not be consumed by the busyness). But here is a glimpse of a few ways that we got into the Christmas spirit.

Christmas caroling through the villages. It's just like a sleigh ride right? Minus the snow

  

Lights in downtown Dakar. Very impressive!!

Gifts sent from my family

Who wouldn't love going to the beach on Christmas day? Don't even have to take a jacket!

New year's eve. Yes, it was freezinggg!! Okay, maybe it was only in the 70's, but our African blood isn't used to that