Warning: Do Not Share Your Peanuts

"What is your biggest struggle?"

I've often been asked that question. The cultural differences? No. The heat or dirty surroundings? No. The language? No. The MEN.

Situation #1

Lesson of the day: do not share your peanuts. You will be destined to marriage. I had just finished work at the talibe center and was walking down the streets looking for a taxi. I flagged one down, gave him the directions, and we agreed on a price. I climbed into the backseat and slammed the door shut a couple times because it never stays closed, and settled myself in, ready for the 20 minute drive. I had not had time to eat breakfast or lunch yet so I was really excited when I remembered the snack in my purse. The ride back home began in silence and I could have simply sat back, staring out the window at the moving traffic, munching on my peanuts and relaxing after my long day. But no, I chose to share my peanuts and talk. I don't know why. I'm sure God had His reasons, but at this moment I don't know why! I leaned forward and asked my taxi driver if he would like some. He responded saying thank you and I poured a few peanuts into his open hand. Only seconds later, he was adjusting his rear view mirror so he could see me and kept turning around to look at me and smile. Then the conversation started, "You understand Wolof?" I nodded and said, "Yes, only a little." The questions continued....

Taxi-man: Who taught you Wolof?
Me: My Senegalese friends
Taxi-man: Was it a girl or a boy?
Me: A girl
Taxi-man: Do you have any friends that are men?
(I tried to ignore this question, already seeing where this was leading. That didn't work and he pestered me further)
Taxi-man: Do you have a husband?
Me: No, I do not
Taxi-man: You don't have husband?! Do you want a Senegalese husband?
(Thinking: You're going to ask me to be your wife when you have not even asked my name?)
Me: I am waiting because my Father has chosen one for me

That last reply is my golden ticket out of every "Do you have a husband?" situation. They are able to understand it, and tend to respect it, relating it to an arranged marriage. For my new friend, this was not enough to back down from his pursued goal. He spent the rest of the ride repeatedly asking if I had a fiance, with me repeatedly explaining. He asked for my phone number. Then asked when I was planning to invite him to my home and cook for him. Maybe he would understand silence, I thought. Wrong. He just kept talking. When we finally pulled up to my apartment, I had never been so happy to get out of a car.

Situation #2

In the same week, I was walking home and passed by several fruit, vegetable, and meat stands. These are typically run by the same people every day, and each time I pass they shout out a greeting to the white girl. I quickly reply and keep walking since it is not custom for a single woman to stop and chat with a man. A few months back, I learned that people speaking English, since it is extremely rare here, usually want something. I walked past the men, ready to give my normal reply and continue on my way. Until my ears perked up when I heard someone say, "How are you?" in English. I did not reply and kept walking. Apparently, this guy knew the answer for me because the next words out of his mouth were, "Fine huh. I love you." I desperately wanted to turn around and yell that he did not love me and to leave me alone. Instead, I took a deep breath, found the patience, and kept walking.

Cases like these happen all the time. Partially because they see me and think being white = money and trip to America. In general, there is little value on women. I don't know how Senegalese women here endure it. In the eyes of men, they are good for cooking, cleaning, and raising children. Nothing else. And they work dawn to dusk doing those very things. It's a tough life and it makes me pray all the more for them.